So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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