idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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