you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
