Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
