Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Come on in and take your pants off
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