I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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