My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
