OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
