everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
