Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
