Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
