Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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