if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
