once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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