I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
