He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
