cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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