Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
