I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
