I'm going to jail i love you
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize