Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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