that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
