I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
