if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize