First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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