Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
