i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
