Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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