i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
