It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
