am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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