Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
