He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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