What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
