Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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