i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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