Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
