Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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