I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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