pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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