How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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