My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
