My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
