I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
