Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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