the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
