Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
