well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
