how can u be prego again
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
