So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
