It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
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Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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