you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
