Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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