Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
