now i know why i became what i already was.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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