Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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