Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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