I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
