Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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