How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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