Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
