It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
