finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
