Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
