i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
