god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
