Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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