he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
