She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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