I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She needs sedatives and a leash
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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