morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
