so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
