Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
should my penis look like a turkey
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Someone shattered a urinal.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
