So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
