yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
